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Chapter 2 (continued)
Abuse (cont.)
Defining the Problems
Sexual abuse may be defined as any instance where a person is coerced or manipulated in any way to perform any sexual action for the gratification of another person. Incest, strictly defined, is sexual intercourse between two persons who are too closely related to be permitted to legally marry.18(p921) Some authors have chosen to alter the meaning of the term incest, broadening it to include sex between a child and any older person to whom the child would normally look for care and protection, whether or not that person is a blood relative.
In his book Victims No Longer, Mike Lew defines incest as “a violation of a position of trust, power, and protection.”19(p16) Davies and Rentzel consider any betrayal of trust that takes a sexual form of any kind to be incest.20(p126-127) The point of these broadened definitions is that when a person sexualizes, and thus violates, his relationship with a person who is dependent on him in some way, the effects on the victim are essentially the same regardless of the legal relationship between abuser and victim—the trust of the child is betrayed.19(p16), 20(p50) According to Lew, this destruction of trust is a central issue for victims of incest.19(p18) Davies and Rentzel add that incest “is the most common and damaging form of sexual abuse.”20(p50)
There are other forms of sexual abuse that would not be included in even the broad definitions of incest. Most relevant for our discussion here would be sexual coercion of younger boys by older boys and men. This might be called molestation, which has been defined as approaching and sexually harassing someone;21(p455) or it might be called rape, which is defined as having sexual intercourse with someone by force or without their consent.18(p1494) This section deals mostly with abuse perpetrated by an older and trusted individual.
Sexual abuse can take many forms. It might involve full participation, such as in intercourse, mutual masturbation, or oral sex. It might involve being forced to touch the perpetrator, or being touched by him. Or it might simply involve being forced to look, as when an abuser exposes himself, shows pornography, or performs sexual acts in front of a child.20(p126-127) Some of these activities may seem minor, but to a child the effect can be very great.
Often, however, boys who are victims do not consider the experience to be abuse. This may be because they felt they were a willing participant even though the event was instigated by an older person. Or it can be because they experienced physical pleasure during the act although they did not want to participate. Occasionally the abuse is too traumatic for the child to deal with so they will either down play its seriousness or they will force it out of their minds and forget it.20(p50)
In our culture, men are expected to be strong and in control of their situation. They are not supposed to be victims. This creates a special problem for men who have been sexually abused. Lew notes that because of this cultural expectation, sexual abuse “becomes a process of demasculinization.” Since men are not supposed to be victims, some men who have been abused refuse to recognize their victimization. Instead they may believe that their sexual experiences were consensual, that they were a willing participant in homosexual behavior. This can lead them to the conclusion that they are gay. Those men who do recognize their abuse may arrive at the same conclusion by a different route. Believing that men must not be victims, they may conclude that because they were victimized, they must not be “real” men. They may come to believe that they are some other kind of man—perhaps a gay man.19(p41)
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