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Chapter 3
The Role of Relationships in
Homosexual Development
In essence, adult male heterosexuality begins with a boy’s willingness to use his father, his peers, and/or some other male figures as role models in developing his own masculine identity. Successful role modeling requires trust, ATTACHMENT, and IDENTIFICATION from a boy toward his role model(s). It also requires presence, bonding, and willingness to encourage autonomy from the role model(s) toward the boy.
This chapter considers factors within the various relationships a boy encounters that can prevent or derail successful role modeling. These relationship problems may be influenced by other things, such as biologic predisposing factors or abuse (which were discussed in the preceding chapter) or they may be sufficient in themselves to lead to a homosexual orientation.
A great deal of research over the past 50 years has shown a correlation between relationship problems in childhood and adolescence and homosexuality in adulthood. Although the evidence is plentiful and well documented, there is much it does not explain. Most importantly, it does not explain how childhood relationship problems contribute—if at all—to adult homosexuality.
Richard Friedman makes this point in his critical overview of the literature on the role of family interactions in the development of homosexuality. Friedman determined that a certain pattern of strained family interactions (similar to what will be presented below) was implicated in the development of men who become homosexual. In fact, he concludes that few, if any, homosexual men grew up in households characterized as “emotionally secure, non-traumatic, warm and supportive.”1(p73) Yet he acknowledges that “a big leap is necessary in order to conclude that homosexuality is likely to be caused by exposure to this type of family situation” since such family situations also exist in the histories of many heterosexual men.1(p71)
Much of what this chapter presents is the theories of experienced clinicians who attempt to make the “big leap” Friedman refers to through anecdotal evidence and inductive reasoning. These theories are not presented as a simple linear explanation for the development of homosexuality since evidence does not show that there is such an explanation. Nor do these theories provide concepts broad enough to apply in every case. But they do help us to sketch a plausible outline for a large puzzle to which many of the pieces are still missing.
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ATTACHMENT: an affection that binds two people together; an emotional tie. Between fathers and sons this probably includes the son’s dependence on his father for emotional satisfaction and a receptiveness to the father’s care.2(p63)
IDENTIFICATION: “a process of establishing a link between oneself and another person or group.” This allows one to attribute to oneself the traits of the other person or group.2(p341)