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Chapter 3 (continued)
Perception and Interpretation
Joe Dallas has stressed the importance of the child’s perception of his early relationships and the meaning which the boy attributes to what he perceives. Dallas wrote that it is not what actually happens in the parent-child relationship that contributes to homosexual development, but how the boy perceives the relationships and how he responds emotionally to those perceptions.3(p92, 98) The conclusions we draw from our circumstances, and not what actually happens to us, is what develops our personalities.4(Tape 4) Jeff Konrad agrees: “What actually transpired in our childhood wasn’t as important as what we thought was happening. The development of our identity is dependent upon how we interpret reality, how we perceive the manner in which others treat us, and not necessarily on reality itself.”5(p71)
Furthermore, the fact that a disruption has occurred in the relationship between parent and child does not mean that the parent has willfully done something to cause the disruption. Moberly speaks of the relationship problems between PRE-HOMOSEXUALS and their parents as a disruption in the normal attachment that should exist between parent and child. She states that “no parents of a homosexual should necessarily blame him/herself for the disruption in attachment.” The hurt underlying this disruption may be accidental or unintentional. Situations such as divorce, separation, or anything else that results in parental absence during a critical period, even if it is unavoidable or for good reasons, can put a strain on the relationship between child and same-sex parent. “The human situation is such that hurt may sometimes occur without it being a matter for blaming anyone.”6(p2-3)
“If we must blame anything,” Dallas suggest, “it should be the chain of events beginning from infancy that shape a boy’s attitude toward father, men, and himself.” Dallas adds that some boys may be born with a sensitive nature that disposes them to perceive as rejecting a father who is actually both available and accepting. There may also be miscommunication between father and son, causing the boy to misinterpret the father’s intentions.3(p158)
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PRE-HOMOSEXUAL: refers to a young person in the process of developing a homosexual identity.