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Chapter 3 (continued)
The Family Structure (cont.)
Father and Mother
Little is written on the marital relationship of the parents of homosexuals though much can be inferred from the general personality descriptions of the fathers and mothers. However, Bieber does state directly that “the majority of [parents of homosexuals] in the study had poor marital relationships.”8(p313) Nicolosi notes that relationships between parents of homosexuals are “frequently atypical or disruptive, often with a struggle for dominance between the parents.”7(p81) Elsewhere he states that some fathers of homosexuals are passive and dependent in their relationship with their wives.7(p53)
Bieber’s description of the “close-binding-intimate” mother includes the detail that her primary object of love is the son whom she pits against her husband in a rivalry for her attention.8(p47) A mother may turn to her son in this way because her husband does not fulfill her romantic desires.8(p313) Nicolosi tells us that the attitude of the mother toward her husband is important. If she is openly critical or insulting of him it discourages the son from identifying with him.7(p84-85)
Obviously, in many instances there is no father in the home. Even so, the way in which the mother represents the father and other men to the son may create a sort of fantasized father image that the son will relate to. If the mother’s representation of the father and of men is negative, it may have similar effects on the boy as an actual distressed relationship.
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