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Chapter 3 (continued)
Peer Relationships
Gerard van den Aardweg suggests that problems in relationships with peers can be seen in the background of homosexuals more often than a poor relationship with father.13(p62) The section “Mother and Sons” (above) outlined how some mothers interfered with their sons’ peer relations through over-protectiveness, over-concern, encouraging adult relationships, treating the boys’ peers as though they were intruding or of lower class, and setting the boys up for rivalrous peer relations.8(p81) In addition to these behaviors, parental rejection can disturb the boy’s peer relations by creating within him an expectation that his peers, like his parents, will reject him.3(p93)
When children enter school, peers become an important source of nurturing. Boys who have not received sufficient nurturing from parents to prepare them to feel equal to peers, and thus to positively handle peer relationships, may be at a disadvantage.4(Tape 1), 3(p171) The boy’s sense of his masculinity can be quite fragile during this time and he needs the support of his male peers. But it is precisely these relationships that are difficult and problematic.1(p239-240) It is not uncommon for boys to retreat from these painful relationships to more comfortable relationships with their mothers or other females. They become “kitchen window boys”—watching their peers from the safety of their mother’s presence, both attracted to the other boys and also frightened by what the boys are doing.7(p58)
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